| Just….It’s not even funny what I am getting into. I still remember the college days and remember them so vividly. Enter that gate beyond which it was nothing short of a jungle; creatures from every jungle possible, concrete jungle that is. However, still in that jungle, I had peace, a sense of fulfillment, for the simple reason that I didn’t care a damn about who is around me, doing what. I knew who I was and was more than happy being who I was. I had my own share of fascinations and desires but desires that never over powered my sense of self. I still remember (and miss it to death) that detachment from my surroundings, something that was perhaps the most powerful aspect of my existence. It didn’t matter to me even if there was a war going around me. I was always happy being the spectator. And how I wish things could just go on like that. I know it’s not nice being aloof of your surroundings and that being in loop is the correct thing to do. But I don’t know why, I was never meant to be like that…perhaps. I don’t know what has changed, but it’s certainly not that the best thing to happen. Getting involved with people who I wouldn’t care a shit for, issues that never bothered me ever ever in my whole life take up their toll like anything on the planet. And slowly, I see everything turning into what I always preferred to stay away from. There are just way to many people around me, I know if I say that’s a concern, some may even laugh it out. “Woaaa! Now that’s some problem!!!!,” some smart ass would again comment. But well yeaa, maybe I still have a lot of growing up to do to actually change my definition of a problem. Nothing wrong in that I guess but it’s just that like always, I have never been given time, time to change, time to adjust, time to have a steady growth of perceptions. It’s always been ‘Here! Now deal with it’ and as always it just gets tougher. And in that hullabaloo, you just can’t understand who is right; one who say that it’s only the talented ones who are pushed like this because they are the only lot who can deliver or the ones who feel ‘Forget it! They just need a bakra.’ In that confusion, you don’t know where you stand. But yes, nevertheless there’s hope. Hope that someday, even this shall pass, someday, even this will be seen among the innumerable infinite small petty trivial issues of life that were once seen as earth shattering. Life has a rule – What’s earth shattering today may not even be worthy of a second thought tomorrow. And we just hope that every problem that we face today gets into that mould as days pass by. That we, as human beings, keep growing, with enlarged perspectives and much stronger everyday. And just in case if you have the time to look back in those last moments when you just have a few breaths left, you can somehow pat your back and say, “Wasn’t it fun? Shit! Let’s do it again!” |
